Unearthly, Chapter Two

Update: General consensus seems to be that knees are not particularly attractive. Clara just happens to live next door to Knee-Lovers Anonymous.


Chapter Two begins:


On the road to Wyoming, there are lots of signs. Most of them warn of some kind of danger.


As opposed to "WARNING: SAFE ROADS AHEAD" ? I think we're all pretty familiar with your standard smattering of road signs. 
She's also astounded by the fact that she's driving through a forest. Silly people who aren't used to being surrounded by pine trees on all sides.


I can't get over the sight of all the Wyoming license plates...


YOU'RE IN WYOMING, WOMAN. Maybe I'm just jaded because I make the 12-hour trek up to New York every summer, but...I would assume she knows that people in Wyoming have Wyoming license plates. Also, did she not get over this when they were in Nevada or Utah or whatever other states they drove through to get there?
Apparently not.


There's no turning back now. The guy at the gas station assured us that the pass through the mountains is perfectly safe, so long as a storm doesn't come up.


You'd better hope it doesn't, or else you'll have to go through Moria, and you know how that usually turns out. I hear they have a cave troll.


"We're in Wyoming, doofus. We're almost there."  "Woo freaking hoo," (her brother Jeffrey) says...he's going to hate me for awhile.


As siblings do. She says this like it's surprising. Also, they weren't in Wyoming already? But then why is she seeing so many cars not just from Wyoming, but from her specific county in Wyoming? Okay then.


There's a paragraph about how Jeffrey was a pretty happy kid, and then "one minute you're a happy 14 year old--good at everything you try, popular, fun--the next you're a freak with wings."


So, basically he hit puberty. I don't see anything unique about this.


They drive for awhile, Jeffrey's moody, he fights with the mom, and then they stop at a scenic overlook, which features a cartoon cowboy.


HOWDY STRANGER, IT READS. YONDER IS JACKSON HOLE, THE LAST OF THE OLD WEST.


Ladies and gentlemen, meet Corrected Proofs' FIRST GRAMMATICAL/FORMATTING ERROR. Apparently the cowboy sign includes his own attribution.
Cue applause.


The family looks around for awhile, and it's cold, but Jeffrey "is too mad to shiver." Dude, I so want that superpower. I could channel all of my hatred for the fact that I'm cold into anger that would prevent me from being cold. DUDE THAT WOULD BE SO AWESOME.


...our humble abode is going to be fairly posh.


Cynthia (can I call you Cynthia?), not even the British people I know say "posh." Not even the people I know who enjoy pretending to be British say "posh." Dear Clara fits into neither of these categories. 


So they finally get to their new house, and it's in the middle of nowhere so Mom suggests that now her kids can finally practice their flying. Sounds good, right? But no, Clara hates this idea because all of the two times she's tried flying she wasn't very good at it.


Oh no, you couldn't FLY the first couple of times you tried it, so you gave up? Is she really that jaded? There's a reason we have to practice driving for a year before we can do it on our own, but no, you can't even be bothered to work at FLYING?


I officially hate Mario.


They drive into town and Mario's looking around for His Highness Princess Peach. "What would you do if you saw him right now?" Mom asks. I stop and try to think of an appropriately snarky thing to write in the margin, but then I read a few more lines and good old Jeffrey beats me to it. "She'd probably pass out."


High five, kid.


Then Clara's hair randomly starts glowing, and they rush home so no one will see it. It's "Unearthly," Clara thinks to herself.


Well of course it is. That's the title, and you're a freaking angel.


"What happened today is normal," Mom says. Again. I'm pretty sure this angel stuff is something she made up to make her kids feel better about puberty. Can we please stop giving me painful flashbacks to years I'd rather not think about and move on? Yes? We're going to cut to another dream about Princess Peach now?


Good.


Oh wait, we're just going to stand there and stare at him longingly while our eyes fill with useless tears?


TURN AROUND AND MAKE OUT WITH ME, PRINCESS PEACH!!!


Things that occurred to me while reading this chapter: I probably would have really enjoyed it when I was about 11. Cast thy castigations upon me, good readers, for truly I deserve them.